REALLY Bad Jokes

[Barbel Mick]

My friend Gavin died yesterday, from an allergic reaction to eating heart burn tablets.

I can't believe Gavisgone.

[The Doctor 46]

The harmonica is the only instrument I don't mind sucking at.

[The Doctor 46]

Seeing as it's St Patricks day here is a joke that was first posted here back in 2008. 

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
 The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son,
where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard you telling mom
you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

 And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by  myself with an £80,000 mortgage & no bike!"

[The Doctor 46]

Some silly jokes to exercise your chuckle muscles. 

Why shouldn’t you fundraise for marathons? They just take the money and run.
Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t—it used the sidewalk.
Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why can’t you put two half-dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a hole, and your money will fall out!
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor.

[Hugo Magnus]

A horse is in the pub having a few when he spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter",
Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" , then he asks "did you win anything" horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”,
They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this c*** he's done everything" , so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace, the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies
" that's me when I played for Juventus !

[Joe Rocket]

Astronomers have found until now a previously undiscovered star and although it's relatively close in cosmic distance terms dim light from it has taken many years to reach us.

They've named it Dave.