« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 81 82 [83] 84 85 ... 91   Go Down

Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 166256 times)

0 Members and 7 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Barbel Mick

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2013
  • Posts: 5204
  • Bike: 800RE
  • Location: Derby
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1640 on: December 18, 2023, 19:33:39 »
My new invention will be a mind controlled air freshener.
It makes scents when you think about it.
Logged
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Barbel Mick

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2013
  • Posts: 5204
  • Bike: 800RE
  • Location: Derby
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1641 on: December 18, 2023, 19:35:34 »
I just found out that I didn't win the Window Cleaner of the year award.
Think I was a victim of a smear campaign.
Logged
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Barbel Mick

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2013
  • Posts: 5204
  • Bike: 800RE
  • Location: Derby
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1642 on: December 18, 2023, 19:38:26 »
And my Christmas one................................

What does Santa give Rudolph and the other Reindeer for lunch?
Half an hour like all his other workers.
Logged
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline MartinW

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • *****
  • Joined: Jan 2012
  • Posts: 12912
  • Bike: DL650 K4 Blue
  • Location: Swindon
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1643 on: December 19, 2023, 08:20:49 »
.
Logged
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

Chief Stasi

Offline The Doctor 46

  • The Doctor 46
  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Jan 2020
  • Posts: 2388
  • Bike: DL1000A L4.
  • Location: Whiddon Down, Devon.
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1644 on: December 21, 2023, 19:10:23 »
Childish Christmas jokes for the young at heart.

What's a snowman's favourite food? Chili!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
What happens to naughty elves? They get the sack!
What do you call an old snowman? A puddle!
What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle toast!
What's red, white, and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane!
Why does this turkey taste like an old sofa? I thought you liked stuffing!
When is a boat just like snow? When it's adrift!
How do you scare a snowman? With a hairdryer!
Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole? No well, no well!
What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!

Merry Christmas all.  :thumb:
Logged
Without rain, there would be no rainbows.

Offline Barbel Mick

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2013
  • Posts: 5204
  • Bike: 800RE
  • Location: Derby
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1645 on: December 23, 2023, 15:42:21 »
Another Christmas related one..............
& for the pedants out there.....yes I know it's not the Bayeux Tapestry.  :)
Logged
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Asmith61

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2015
  • Posts: 5276
  • Bike: 2011 B-King 1300 , 2023 Harley Davidson 1250 sportster S
  • Location: Essex
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1646 on: December 24, 2023, 21:49:46 »
Christmas chuckle
Logged

Offline Barbel Mick

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2013
  • Posts: 5204
  • Bike: 800RE
  • Location: Derby
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1647 on: January 05, 2024, 14:35:28 »
People who use the wrong words & spellings should have the humidity to admit it.
Logged
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Brockett

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Nov 2011
  • Posts: 8991
  • Bike: 2022 Moto Guzzi 850 V7 special in blue, 2022 850 V7 Stone in darkest black, 2021 Royal Enfield 500 Classic stealth.
  • Location: Tendring in the Far North East (of Essex)
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1648 on: January 14, 2024, 22:00:11 »
.
Logged
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can. Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline Joe Rocket

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2014
  • Posts: 2677
  • Bike: DL650A L5, Kawasaki GPX750R
  • Location: Brittany
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1649 on: January 14, 2024, 22:21:25 »
What do you call a female sharpshooter?

Amy.
Logged
So how's it going so far then?

Offline The Doctor 46

  • The Doctor 46
  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Jan 2020
  • Posts: 2388
  • Bike: DL1000A L4.
  • Location: Whiddon Down, Devon.
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1650 on: January 15, 2024, 18:24:54 »
Amy is a funny name for a female sharpshooter but this girl really was one.

Lyudmila Pavlichenko, a Russian Red Army soldier dubbed 'Lady Death'. Pavlichenko was trained as a sharpshooter and sent to fight on the frontline in 1941, aged 25.
Logged
Without rain, there would be no rainbows.

Offline Rusty Nuts

  • Manufacturer of iron oxide
  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Jun 2012
  • Posts: 8066
  • Bike: KTM 1090 in orange, of course.
  • Location: Traitors Corner & West Yorkshire
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1651 on: January 19, 2024, 13:05:38 »
I can't stand those designer clothes with the little crocodile embroidered on.


That's right, I'm Lacoste intolerant.
Logged

Offline Asmith61

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2015
  • Posts: 5276
  • Bike: 2011 B-King 1300 , 2023 Harley Davidson 1250 sportster S
  • Location: Essex
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1652 on: January 22, 2024, 17:19:28 »
This made me laugh out loud
Logged

Offline Brockett

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Nov 2011
  • Posts: 8991
  • Bike: 2022 Moto Guzzi 850 V7 special in blue, 2022 850 V7 Stone in darkest black, 2021 Royal Enfield 500 Classic stealth.
  • Location: Tendring in the Far North East (of Essex)
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1653 on: January 22, 2024, 22:16:59 »
Seeing the previous joke reminded me that ....
Many years ago we had dog. I called him Kipper because he slept a lot and stank the house out (not really but Mum in law suggested "King" or "Prince" and I wasn't having that)  he was a shortstock border collie type and a most determined crotch sniffer.
Out shopping I had to keep him on a short lead or he'd be right up any stationary backside. One day, in the local bank I was stood back off the person at the counter in front. I held the lead short and wagged a finger at him saying "sit". He looked up with that guilty looking, out of the top corner of his eyes and toungue hanging half out etc. Anyway the customer in front was being dealt with when a woman in a pink trouser suit walked into the bank and stood in front of me as If I wasn't there. Pah! I let the lead go slack and looked away. That dog rammed his nose between the tight trousers buttocks with enough force to lift her off her feet and wow did she scream. I had no choice but to shout at her to "get away from my dog", "why are you pushing in".
" I am standing in the queue and you have frightened my dog". Everyone looked around and she decided to leave while I knelt down by Kipper and gave him a hug "good boy". I know Kipper had a wet nose but her trousers were quite a lot damper than could be attributed to him.
Logged
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can. Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline MartinW

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • *****
  • Joined: Jan 2012
  • Posts: 12912
  • Bike: DL650 K4 Blue
  • Location: Swindon
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1654 on: January 31, 2024, 18:47:01 »
The irony.
Logged
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

Chief Stasi

Offline 2112

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Mar 2009
  • Posts: 13332
  • Bike: Honda 750 Transalp, Victory Crossroads 1750
  • Location: Northumberland
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1655 on: January 31, 2024, 19:04:37 »
I'm going to start 'dry January' tonight - wish me luck...
Logged
It's pronounced 'twenty-one-twelve'

Offline Joe Rocket

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2014
  • Posts: 2677
  • Bike: DL650A L5, Kawasaki GPX750R
  • Location: Brittany
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1656 on: January 31, 2024, 20:19:21 »
I bet you've already failed!  lol
Logged
So how's it going so far then?

Offline Joe Rocket

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2014
  • Posts: 2677
  • Bike: DL650A L5, Kawasaki GPX750R
  • Location: Brittany
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1657 on: February 12, 2024, 21:22:27 »
A scarecrow has received an award for being 'Upstanding in his Field'.
Logged
So how's it going so far then?

Offline Joe Rocket

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2014
  • Posts: 2677
  • Bike: DL650A L5, Kawasaki GPX750R
  • Location: Brittany
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1658 on: February 12, 2024, 21:32:59 »
I've just read a very promising book titled 'The Anticlimax'. The first half was good.........
Logged
So how's it going so far then?

Offline Joe Rocket

  • Member
  • ***
  • Joined: Sep 2014
  • Posts: 2677
  • Bike: DL650A L5, Kawasaki GPX750R
  • Location: Brittany
Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1659 on: February 12, 2024, 21:39:54 »
Do you remeber that game 'Operation' we used to ask Father Christmas for? You'll have to wait three years now for it now..........  :whistle:
Logged
So how's it going so far then?
Pages: 1 ... 81 82 [83] 84 85 ... 91   Go Up
« previous next »