Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170167 times)

mr_diver · « **Reply #1000 on:** December 26, 2021, 10:26:47 »

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested in you or has level 99 friend zoned you...

Or maybe she just hasn't seen you in the tree yet.

MartinW · « **Reply #1001 on:** December 26, 2021, 17:13:27 »

I got some second-hand After Eights for Christmas.

Mind you, they were in mint condition.

kwackboy · « **Reply #1002 on:** December 26, 2021, 17:46:41 »

Looking for a manual for a wife.

Not sure what's happening but mine is making a whining sound and I can't find the source...

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #1003 on:** December 26, 2021, 18:33:37 »

You could try anti-freeze

The Doctor 46 · « **Reply #1004 on:** December 26, 2021, 18:44:48 »

Give her a good greasing. She may get louder to start with but she'll soon quieten down.

Brockett · « **Reply #1005 on:** December 26, 2021, 22:20:35 »

Turn the radio up and you'll not notice. Well that cured the sound from my SD1's back axle for 40k miles.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #1006 on:** December 26, 2021, 22:51:45 »

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes I got for Christmas would help with my posture, but I stand corrected.

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #1007 on:** December 27, 2021, 07:36:43 »

I used to shave my testicles with a razor blade.

But since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease I don’t have the balls to do it anymore.

kwackboy · « **Reply #1008 on:** December 29, 2021, 09:03:30 »

Some lowlife stole my new trainers along with my hi Viz jacket out of my car.

They can run, but they can't hide...!!

mr_diver · « **Reply #1009 on:** December 30, 2021, 08:33:03 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #1010 on:** December 31, 2021, 15:09:52 »

My New Years resolution is to stop using spray deodorant.

Roll on next year.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #1011 on:** January 02, 2022, 19:37:48 »

Carrying on with my New Year resolutions, another one for me is to stop procrastinating, but I'm not going to start that one until next year.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #1012 on:** January 03, 2022, 15:53:09 »

MartinW · « **Reply #1013 on:** January 03, 2022, 16:39:45 »

I just started dating an absolutely beautiful young lady who happens to be a twin.

My mate asked how I tell them apart.

I told him I had a fool proof plan for that as Ellie always wears purple nail varnish and Jeff has a cock.

mr_diver · « **Reply #1014 on:** January 04, 2022, 07:29:26 »

Brockett · « **Reply #1015 on:** January 04, 2022, 09:39:01 »

Tell her not to worry as he won't get far

MartinW · « **Reply #1016 on:** January 04, 2022, 18:27:35 »

He's only just made it from Barbel Mick's thread to here.

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #1017 on:** January 05, 2022, 10:16:28 »

I've named my dog '6 miles'

Why? So I can tell everyone I walk 6 miles every day...........

kwackboy · « **Reply #1018 on:** January 09, 2022, 10:34:40 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #1019 on:** January 10, 2022, 13:30:29 »