Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 169510 times)

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #940 on:** November 19, 2021, 21:22:34 »

I have a fear of escalators so I'm taking steps to avoid them.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #941 on:** November 23, 2021, 17:32:33 »

I was horrified when my wife told me that our six-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

kwackboy · « **Reply #942 on:** November 23, 2021, 18:21:28 »

MartinW · « **Reply #943 on:** November 26, 2021, 13:09:58 »

I took my six year old to see Father Christmas this morning and he stank of alcohol and fags. You could see the needle marks in him too.

I shudder to think what Father Christmas thought of him.

InvictaMoto · « **Reply #944 on:** November 27, 2021, 22:06:52 »

New album - 80. Same shite...

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #945 on:** November 27, 2021, 23:08:40 »

A Vegan said to me "People who sell meat are disgusting".

I said "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer".

kwackboy · « **Reply #946 on:** November 28, 2021, 10:50:50 »

Vstrom inside ...

MartinW · « **Reply #947 on:** November 28, 2021, 12:27:22 »

I've seen Mr Diver's old K6 packed up like that.

mr_diver · « **Reply #948 on:** November 28, 2021, 14:06:13 »

yep, first one was ST6 in Scotland

the second once was West Wales in 2014, I was loaded like a pack horse and she wasn't even on the same bike!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #949 on:** November 28, 2021, 14:07:18 »

Just been to Tesco and saw a sign saying 'Turkey £30'....
that's £300 cheaper than Thomas Cook!

MartinW · « **Reply #950 on:** November 30, 2021, 13:24:02 »

Government Bargains

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #951 on:** November 30, 2021, 20:13:29 »

Just to warn you, don't eat at Sam & Ella's Restaurant. I won't!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #952 on:** November 30, 2021, 20:19:35 »

This morning I poured some Tomato Ketchup into my eyes.

But in Heinzsight it wasn't a good idea.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #953 on:** December 01, 2021, 14:08:31 »

Kids don't realise how easy they have it today.
When I was young we had to walk 9 feet though shag pile carpet to change the TV channel.

kwackboy · « **Reply #954 on:** December 01, 2021, 18:50:58 »

Oh yes , I remember being my parents tv remote as a child ..

kwackboy · « **Reply #955 on:** December 01, 2021, 20:25:12 »

A boy turns up at school with his cat peeping out his bag, his teacher is very puzzled, she asks him "Tommy what is your cat doing at school today ?, Tommy answers, "I heard the postman telling my mum when your kids have gone to school I'm going to eat your pussy" ,I wasn't taking any chances miss..!!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #956 on:** December 01, 2021, 20:27:35 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #957 on:** December 01, 2021, 20:29:50 »

The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song...
while chickpeas can only hummus one.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #958 on:** December 02, 2021, 10:46:44 »

History would have been different if the Apollo 13 astronauts were all female…….

Houston, we have a problem.
Please say again Apollo 13?
Houston we have a problem… oh, you never listen to me do you?
Please confirm Apollo 13..
We have a …. that's fine, forget I even mentioned it !!….
Please confirm Apollo 13…
Oh never mind.. I’ll fix it myself !!!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #959 on:** December 03, 2021, 13:45:53 »

I am selling my snooker table and accessories. I will put the table, cue, chalk & balls on
E-Bay.
The rest will go to charity.