Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170145 times)

medic5 · « **Reply #820 on:** March 26, 2021, 15:50:03 »

Job advertising

MartinW · « **Reply #821 on:** March 26, 2021, 18:59:16 »

OK, so it took three hours rather than three days this time. I must have been asleep earlier.

Mr Nick · « **Reply #822 on:** March 26, 2021, 19:18:07 »

The pilot of the cargo ship stranded in the Suez canal has eventually relented and phoned her husband to come and back it out for her.

MartinW · « **Reply #823 on:** March 26, 2021, 20:12:09 »

Uncle Albert was captain at the time.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #824 on:** March 27, 2021, 14:46:03 »

SteveO · « **Reply #825 on:** March 29, 2021, 21:51:23 »

Mr Nick · « **Reply #826 on:** March 30, 2021, 17:17:04 »

Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find out the bike was taxed, MOT'd and insured. It wasn't stolen, and there were no drugs or stolen goods on board. He was sober and had a full licence with no points on it.

A Police spokesman said 'we had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting Police time.'

mr_diver · « **Reply #827 on:** March 30, 2021, 22:58:29 »

Mr Nick · « **Reply #828 on:** March 30, 2021, 23:45:49 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #829 on:** March 31, 2021, 14:42:41 »

That is bad Mr. Nick.......

Keith60 · « **Reply #830 on:** March 31, 2021, 15:27:20 »

Mr Nick!!!

tallpaul · « **Reply #831 on:** March 31, 2021, 15:48:50 »

No idea why but every time I see a picture of Fred West I hear a voice in my head shout "the plane boss, it's the plane..."

Mr Nick · « **Reply #832 on:** April 01, 2021, 11:28:18 »

OK, to atone for pushing the boundaries, an basic corny one:

I read that the CEO of IKEA has been elected President of Sweden...he should have his cabinet together by the end of the week

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #833 on:** April 04, 2021, 10:26:11 »

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #834 on:** April 05, 2021, 13:23:54 »

Mr Nick · « **Reply #835 on:** April 05, 2021, 22:48:15 »

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My other half and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, she asked me the question all blokes dread: “Does this make my bum look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the shops and buy new outfits with jewellery, shoes, and purses to match.

SteveO · « **Reply #836 on:** April 06, 2021, 19:01:12 »

SteveO · « **Reply #837 on:** April 06, 2021, 19:26:57 »

Pinched from another forum....

Walkers have announced their new "Murray Flavour Crisps".

They're made from common taters.

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #838 on:** April 09, 2021, 12:22:35 »

Come on, it's been minutes....Where's all the Philip stuff?

StromGeeza · « **Reply #839 on:** April 09, 2021, 12:41:08 »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-39806145