Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170166 times)

user650 · « **Reply #660 on:** October 05, 2020, 23:05:51 »

What's pink, wrinkled and hangs out your trousers?

your mum

MartinW · « **Reply #661 on:** October 06, 2020, 06:29:26 »

The Managing Director of Dulux has died of Hypothermia on a walk up a hill in Cumbria.

His Post Mortem revealed that he needed two coats.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #662 on:** October 06, 2020, 18:26:50 »

My friend composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer, songwriter or sew it seams.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #663 on:** October 09, 2020, 19:59:38 »

Now we are into October, I’ve put up a marquee in my garden with flashing lights and funky music.
Is this the winter of my disco tent?

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #664 on:** October 09, 2020, 20:02:01 »

A little bit of pain never hurt anyone.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #665 on:** October 12, 2020, 11:02:09 »

I entered a Painter and Decorator's fancy dress contest.
There were some very good outfits, but I was the overall winner.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #666 on:** October 12, 2020, 11:04:54 »

Punctuation is very important.
An example:
There's a Maypole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer.

MartinW · « **Reply #667 on:** October 12, 2020, 14:20:17 »

Mick. My eyes need to forget that image.

kwackboy · « **Reply #668 on:** October 12, 2020, 16:18:53 »

Paddy's thinking of getting a dog and says Mick, " I think I might get me a Labrador"

"NO WAY .! , F..K THAT" says Mick,
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind" ...

kwackboy · « **Reply #669 on:** October 16, 2020, 12:49:13 »

Chris Eubank has just written a book about ethics. If it does well, he's going to write his next one about Kent.

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #670 on:** October 18, 2020, 20:43:24 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #671 on:** November 01, 2020, 16:58:50 »

SteveO · « **Reply #672 on:** November 01, 2020, 22:40:38 »

SteveO · « **Reply #673 on:** November 01, 2020, 22:41:36 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #674 on:** November 07, 2020, 16:05:25 »

A Russian agent, a Chinese spy, a white supremacist, a depraved sexual deviant, and a con man walk in to a bar. The barman says, "What'll it be tonight Mr President?"

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #675 on:** November 12, 2020, 09:43:18 »

My dog is now completely bald and I feel sicker than ever.
Can anyone suggest a different hangover remedy?

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #676 on:** November 12, 2020, 09:44:26 »

I actually invented the word “pseudonym.”
Don’t bother looking it up because I did it under another name.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #677 on:** November 12, 2020, 09:44:55 »

Some people refuse to adapt to modern technology..Why is that?..
Answers on a post card please.

MartinW · « **Reply #678 on:** November 12, 2020, 18:32:50 »

I hired a Handyman and I gave him a list of things to do. When I got home he had done all of them except #2 and #4.

Turns out he is an Odd Job Man.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #679 on:** November 14, 2020, 10:42:05 »

A friend has asked me if I can help him re-turf an entire field so he can stage
battle re-enactments.
Sod that for a game of soldiers...