Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170095 times)

Ticker · « **Reply #560 on:** June 14, 2020, 06:46:17 »

Will glass coffins be a success......? Remains to be seen!

Sorry blokes, they’re getting worse

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #561 on:** June 14, 2020, 09:43:25 »

If anyone has got any old gloves they don't want, I'll take them off your hands.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #562 on:** June 14, 2020, 12:40:53 »

When you clean out your vacuum cleaner do you become a vacuum cleaner?

Ticker · « **Reply #563 on:** June 15, 2020, 13:53:27 »

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four......

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #564 on:** June 16, 2020, 19:28:50 »

Ticker · « **Reply #565 on:** June 16, 2020, 20:14:38 »

I went to see a mystic yesterday, as she looked into her crystal ball and she started smiling, then laughing and becoming more and more hysterical.

I thought to myself, I’ve finally found a happy medium.

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #566 on:** June 16, 2020, 21:17:04 »

When she did that to me, I walloped her. I always like to strike a happy medium.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #567 on:** June 17, 2020, 09:47:10 »

I have some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander.

Ticker · « **Reply #568 on:** June 18, 2020, 17:42:00 »

I got a phone call today, not sure if it was a scam. I could either win £250 or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night. I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

MartinW · « **Reply #569 on:** June 20, 2020, 21:25:59 »

What has 200 Legs and 4 Teeth.

The queue outside Primark.

tallpaul · « **Reply #570 on:** June 20, 2020, 21:58:34 »

What's got 90 balls and makes middle aged women sweat?

Bingo.

kwackboy · « **Reply #571 on:** July 03, 2020, 09:56:47 »

I purchased a dog from a blacksmith the other day.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the front door ..

Taxi... 👋

kwackboy · « **Reply #572 on:** July 03, 2020, 09:58:55 »

Was Cilla Black ....?
Was Barry White ..?
Was Marvin Gay ..?

Just asking as Stevie Wondered...

I'll get my coat ... 👍

user650 · « **Reply #573 on:** July 03, 2020, 10:26:26 »

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #574 on:** July 03, 2020, 18:57:54 »

Was Cilla Black?

No, she was Prescilla White.

kwackboy · « **Reply #575 on:** July 03, 2020, 20:25:00 »

Due to the current racism row, master cylinders and slave cylinders are to be removed from all motorcycles ...

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #576 on:** July 10, 2020, 17:52:08 »

"Why do you want to be a film editor?"

"Well, to cut a long story short."

( stolen from Steve Wright, R2)

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #577 on:** July 10, 2020, 20:15:43 »

The man who invented beach footwear for people with one leg has put his business into receivership.
He has been quoted as saying "the whole idea was a flop."

kwackboy · « **Reply #578 on:** July 20, 2020, 15:09:09 »

I've tried coming up with a carpentry joke that woodwork, I think I nailed it but nobody saw it

MartinW · « **Reply #579 on:** July 20, 2020, 15:30:18 »

I saw it. It wasn't that funny but it was Oakay.