Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170189 times)

MartinW · « **Reply #520 on:** April 24, 2020, 21:40:15 »

That's not carpet. He's been impaled on the artex.

tallpaul · « **Reply #521 on:** April 24, 2020, 21:57:25 »

Yes, but he looks happy about it.

Ticker · « **Reply #522 on:** April 27, 2020, 09:47:11 »

I just re-homed a Blacksmith's dog......

I hadn't had it home 30 minutes before the bugger made a bolt for the door.

Ticker · « **Reply #523 on:** May 04, 2020, 19:14:33 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #524 on:** May 04, 2020, 20:19:13 »

I can't wait for the pubs to open ....

It'll give me a chance to cut down on my drinking ..

Ticker · « **Reply #525 on:** May 05, 2020, 23:44:11 »

Congratulations to Hugh Zappritti-Boyden, on his appointment as chairman of the British Budgerigar Association.

kwackboy · « **Reply #526 on:** May 07, 2020, 18:45:43 »

The older I get all I need in life is Specsavers, boots and Gregg's.

Yep, life is all about specs, drugs and sausage rolls

tallpaul · « **Reply #527 on:** May 07, 2020, 19:11:18 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #528 on:** May 10, 2020, 18:36:31 »

A man was who was told to cut down on his Sodium consumption has died.
His wife said "Unfortunately he took the doctors advice with a pinch of salt."

Ticker · « **Reply #529 on:** May 11, 2020, 09:34:37 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #530 on:** May 11, 2020, 20:23:04 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #531 on:** May 12, 2020, 19:15:46 »

What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common...?

A black coat, a white collar and you've Got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one ..

TAXI ....👋

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #532 on:** May 18, 2020, 16:56:09 »

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?"

"I don't know, what is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?"

"Well, I've never had a lentil in my face."

kwackboy · « **Reply #533 on:** May 20, 2020, 09:10:16 »

Ticker · « **Reply #534 on:** May 20, 2020, 10:25:31 »

A mummy has recently been discovered in Egypt, embalmed in chocolate and nuts.

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher...

I'll get my coat.....

tallpaul · « **Reply #535 on:** May 20, 2020, 12:13:25 »

that was suitably poor...

but that's a good thing!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #536 on:** May 20, 2020, 13:02:14 »

I bought a chicken to make a sandwich.......
but all it does is shit on the floor!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #537 on:** May 20, 2020, 18:39:40 »

Bloke walked into a pub wearing nothing but a set of jump leads around his neck.
The landlord looked at him and said "I don't want you starting anything in here!"

Ticker · « **Reply #538 on:** May 21, 2020, 16:39:14 »

During sex, you burn as many calories as running 5 miles........

Hang on! Who the feck can run 5 miles in 30 seconds anyway?!

kwackboy · « **Reply #539 on:** May 21, 2020, 19:26:37 »

Is that including foreplay ..