Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170087 times)

kwackboy · « **Reply #500 on:** March 02, 2020, 16:00:50 »

Paddy is going really well on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He's got to £125,000 with all his lifelines.

Chris: OK Paddy, for £250,000 which of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers was it:

Ronnie Biggs
Ronnie O'Sullivan
Ronnie Corbett
Ronnie Wood

Take your time

Paddy: I'll take the money Chris

Chris: Are you sure, you've still got 3 lifelines

Paddy: I'm sure Chris,I'll take the money

Chris: OK audience give him a big round of applause, but before you go Paddy I'm sure you'd like to know the answer.

Paddy: I know the answer Chris.

Chris: You know the answer? You've just turned down a quarter of a million quid, are you mad? are you mental?

Paddy: I may be mental Chris but I'm no feckin grass.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #501 on:** March 04, 2020, 10:53:12 »

Going to try a new hobby out. Church bell ringing (Campanology)!
The team leader wants me to go down tomorrow evening so that he can show me the ropes.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #502 on:** March 04, 2020, 10:53:44 »

I've been sacked from my job as a Dermatologist.........
I got my E45 in the post this morning.

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #503 on:** March 04, 2020, 15:08:12 »

Mick, don't make the rookie mistake of tying the bell rope round your todger. I did that,and got tolled off.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #504 on:** March 04, 2020, 16:36:39 »

kwackboy · « **Reply #505 on:** March 06, 2020, 21:35:13 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #506 on:** March 10, 2020, 12:32:21 »

The doctors just given me some anti gloating cream.........................
can't wait to rub it in.

MartinW · « **Reply #507 on:** March 14, 2020, 15:18:57 »

A lorry full of Vicks Vaporub has overturned on the M25.

There was no congestion for the next eight hours.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #508 on:** March 16, 2020, 10:57:40 »

I hate people who use the same word twice in a sentence. It's got to stop.
Enough is enough.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #509 on:** March 16, 2020, 10:58:28 »

Greggs have announced plans to start a delivery service using drones.

All sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.

Ticker · « **Reply #510 on:** April 06, 2020, 09:59:31 »

A work colleague couldn't make it to the innuendo seminar.
So I've had to fill her slot.

Froglodyte · « **Reply #511 on:** April 06, 2020, 11:45:18 »

I'm trying to cut down on the sexual innuendo but it's hard - it's so hard.....

The Big Dog · « **Reply #512 on:** April 06, 2020, 17:16:28 »

What do you call a magician without magic?

Ian

Ticker · « **Reply #513 on:** April 10, 2020, 20:37:30 »

My wife asked me to make a bird table today.

I’m in all sorts of trouble now as she only came 4th!

Ticker · « **Reply #514 on:** April 11, 2020, 09:52:08 »

A vegan pointed out to me that the selling of meat is disgusting. I pointed out the selling of fruit and veg is grocer.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #515 on:** April 11, 2020, 19:10:49 »

The Devon and Cornwall music festival has been cancelled.

They couldn't agree who to put on first, The Jam or Cream.

Ticker · « **Reply #516 on:** April 15, 2020, 10:08:52 »

Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

kwackboy · « **Reply #517 on:** April 24, 2020, 21:15:36 »

tallpaul · « **Reply #518 on:** April 24, 2020, 21:34:31 »

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #519 on:** April 24, 2020, 21:38:19 »

( and carpeted the ceiling)