Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 169973 times)

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #420 on:** November 20, 2019, 11:31:38 »

A group of children with trying very hard to become accustomed to pre- school.
The biggest hurdle they faced with the teacher insisted on NO baby talk.
"You need to use "big people" words," she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
"I went to visit my Nana". No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.
"Use "big people" words!"

She then asked Michael what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo!"
She said, "No, you to took a ride on a TRAIN."
You must remember to use "big people" words!"

She then asked little Alex what he'd done?
"I read a book" he replied.
That's wonderful! The teachers said.
"What book did you read?"
Alex thought real hard about it,
Then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

"Winnie the SHIT!"

MartinW · « **Reply #421 on:** November 27, 2019, 11:32:03 »

I tried donating blood today and don't think I will bother again as they asked so many questions.
Who's blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?

MartinW · « **Reply #422 on:** December 03, 2019, 20:55:37 »

I just downloaded a pirate copy of the Bohemian Rhapsody film.

The quality is terrible.

I just see a little silhouette of a man.

Tusker · « **Reply #423 on:** December 03, 2019, 22:03:56 »

a mate of mine got knocked down last week by a bloke in a hire car... I said how are you now ,, he said "it still hertz"

user650 · « **Reply #424 on:** December 03, 2019, 23:23:42 »

A dozen horses walk into a bar,
the bartender hold up his hands and says, no, no, no
no bridle parties allowed.

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #425 on:** December 04, 2019, 07:18:48 »

So the landlord was a neigh sayer?

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #426 on:** December 04, 2019, 09:32:58 »

The wife is really cross with me! She says I never get anything right at Christmas time.

Bah Pear Drops!

nickoff · « **Reply #427 on:** December 04, 2019, 09:33:51 »

I was helping my granddaughter with her homework on famous Italian astronomers. Apparently Galileo was "just a poor boy from a poor family" is the wrong answer.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #428 on:** December 04, 2019, 09:35:02 »

My doctor caught a viral infection from the door of his surgery.

He was furious...........flu off the handle!

kwackboy · « **Reply #429 on:** December 05, 2019, 16:00:34 »

Just got my first Xmas card! Opened it and rice went everywhere.

It was from my Uncle Ben😂😂🤣

kwackboy · « **Reply #430 on:** December 06, 2019, 09:43:25 »

GOOD DEED done for Xmas..!
I was in Aldi earlier and there was an elderly lady in front of me. Her basket came to £12.56 and when she counted her change it came to just under £11.

I told the lady not to worry and although she tried to stop me from helping her out I managed to get all of her shopping back on the shelves.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #431 on:** December 06, 2019, 10:45:55 »

Marks And Spencers advert states that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S.

They're right too, it would be Chrita

MartinW · « **Reply #432 on:** December 07, 2019, 08:46:34 »

Beekeeper.

Try spelling that out with the phonetic alphabet without getting a lot of echo.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #433 on:** December 07, 2019, 11:59:46 »

Not sure what Chris Rea is going to do this year...................
just heard his car failed the MOT!

MartinW · « **Reply #434 on:** December 07, 2019, 12:25:48 »

I guess he will be Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

The Big Dog · « **Reply #435 on:** December 07, 2019, 17:54:11 »

Or dashing through the snow

StromGeeza · « **Reply #436 on:** December 07, 2019, 19:13:53 »

Singing 'wish I was home for Christmas' ?

Tusker · « **Reply #437 on:** December 07, 2019, 19:43:16 »

a road salting wagon nearly knocked me off my bike today,, " you IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth...

kwackboy · « **Reply #438 on:** December 09, 2019, 09:59:29 »

My missus says women are better at multitasking than men ...

.

I told her to sit down and shut up ...

She couldn't manage either ...

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #439 on:** December 09, 2019, 12:19:55 »

Quote from: Barbel Mick on December 07, 2019, 11:59:46

Not sure what Chris Rea is going to do this year...................
just heard his car failed the MOT!

It's OK he's got transport now..............