Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 170089 times)

Ambergnat · « **Reply #403 on:** October 30, 2019, 22:29:06 »

Just to keep the mood mature for Haloween...

Brockett · « **Reply #404 on:** October 31, 2019, 00:24:45 »

These groceries are just gross.

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #405 on:** October 31, 2019, 07:32:56 »

Is it classed as incest if you pump kin?

Brockett · « **Reply #406 on:** November 01, 2019, 19:50:21 »

Crabs. Are they addicted to prawnography.

Ticker · « **Reply #407 on:** November 07, 2019, 18:05:15 »

I was walking to the shop yesterday, when a car pulls up beside me, wound down their window and lobbed a prawn cocktail right at me.......

And that's just for starters!!

When I came out the shop the same car pulls up and flings a block of cheese at me.

I shouted 'THAT'S MATURE!'

Ticker · « **Reply #408 on:** November 10, 2019, 09:47:44 »

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #409 on:** November 10, 2019, 14:26:08 »

One from my 7 year old grand son this morning and I thought he did well getting it in today!

I took him up to the Remembrance Service in the Village this morning. I explained to him that we we're there to remember the soldiers and others who fought and died in the wars.

In the pub, after the service, the lad chirps in,
"Grandad, will you remember me in two minutes?"
" Of course Luke, I'll always remember you."
He smiles at me. And I'm thinking "lovely lad".
A few minutes later.........
"Grandad, knock, knock."
" Who's there? "
" See, you've forgotten me already! "

MartinW · « **Reply #410 on:** November 10, 2019, 14:55:15 »

Do you really think you are a comedian Mick? Well don't give up the day job.

Oh yeah .....

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #411 on:** November 10, 2019, 16:24:20 »

Day job? What's one of them?

Brockett · « **Reply #412 on:** November 11, 2019, 00:44:16 »

A day job is what a ten minute job was when I was young.

kwackboy · « **Reply #413 on:** November 11, 2019, 09:32:01 »

Good news for all over weight people out there. Thanks to the new terminology craze being called fat is a thing of the past.

You can now label your as "trans-slender"

nickoff · « **Reply #414 on:** November 11, 2019, 10:14:10 »

I was giving the missus a good old shag this morning. After ten minutes she says " haven't you finished yet"? I replied " I can't think of anybody".
I should get my eyesight back when the swelling goes down.

Nick.

kwackboy · « **Reply #415 on:** November 12, 2019, 12:50:42 »

A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli, he was pulled in by a strong current ...

I'll get my coat ...

But before I go ... .

I was in the butcher's not long ago and while I was in there I bet him £50 he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

" He said no ... The steaks are too high "

MartinW · « **Reply #416 on:** November 14, 2019, 20:50:14 »

My friend is half American and half North Korean.

He's his own worst enemy.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #417 on:** November 19, 2019, 20:54:03 »

When I tell people I'm a star, they say: "You've got to be kidding."

"No," I say, "I'm Sirius."

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #418 on:** November 19, 2019, 20:56:14 »

My wife's always on at me, the latest moan was, she told me I have no sense of direction!!

I'd had enough, so I packed my bags and right.

nickoff · « **Reply #419 on:** November 19, 2019, 22:51:32 »

I tried some viagra eye drops. Didn't do much for my virility but made me look hard.