Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes (Read 142590 times)

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #1440 on:** February 22, 2023, 10:48:31 »

My mate wanted a campervan, so his wife painted his white van pink.

kwackboy · « **Reply #1441 on:** February 22, 2023, 21:13:34 »

Keith60 · « **Reply #1442 on:** February 23, 2023, 08:20:33 »

Takes me 5 minutes to walk to my local pub, but 30 minutes to walk home!
The difference is staggering!

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #1443 on:** February 24, 2023, 13:32:11 »

I got my wife a part time job today, as a human cannonball.

When I told her, she went ballistic.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #1444 on:** February 24, 2023, 13:57:10 »

Due to the vegetable shortage our local supermarket are swapping vegetables for books.
That's a Turnip for a book.

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #1445 on:** February 24, 2023, 17:00:11 »

Back to ration books, I read!

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #1446 on:** February 24, 2023, 19:27:05 »

If you read or listen to the MSM Joe, I called at three of our local supermarkets yesterday (for various reasons, non looking for vegetables by the way) and all the shelves were full, in all three.

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #1447 on:** February 24, 2023, 20:10:25 »

The world doesn't revolve around eggs, bacon and sausages, you know Mick.

Glad to hear you took the time to do a full inventory on all three.

My brothers always tell me there's no problem where they are.

Barbel Mick · « **Reply #1448 on:** February 24, 2023, 21:12:01 »

Joe, eggs are the only thing that can be short at the moment, but that's due to Avian flu. I've always been able to buy them off supermarket shelves if I chose to. But there is a small farm shop down the road who have Hens & they sell their own and they are my preferred choice with a couple of rashers of bacon, sausage, black pudding etc. etc.

The Doctor 46 · « **Reply #1449 on:** February 25, 2023, 00:29:08 »

The above post is not a joke, it's not humours and I'm not laughing but, it's 0026am and it's making me hungry and I may be making breakfast before bed. Stop it now!

kwackboy · « **Reply #1450 on:** February 25, 2023, 09:04:23 »

POLICE NOTICE - Thieves who stole 3 tonnes of Tarmac have now been lying low now for 2 months.

A spokesman for the police said "we expect them to resurface soon"

MartinW · « **Reply #1451 on:** February 25, 2023, 11:57:16 »

My bike had some kind of problem today.

So I looked around the engine and saw a Female Bat sitting in the Vee.

She said "Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too"

I could see the problem straight away!.....

Bat flattery.

Hugo Magnus · « **Reply #1452 on:** February 25, 2023, 11:59:34 »

Flattery? that was a down right lie!

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #1453 on:** February 25, 2023, 12:16:03 »

Ever heard the expression "blind as a bat"?

2112 · « **Reply #1454 on:** February 26, 2023, 11:29:50 »

2112 · « **Reply #1455 on:** February 26, 2023, 12:07:24 »

Carabou Cup final Newcastle v Man U and all the brewery big shots are there.

Before the game there's a big lunch with guest speaker and pundits giving their opinions then all chairmen of the drinks
companies gather in the bar.
The boss of Budweiser orders a Bud, The boss of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The boss of Corona orders a Corona and so
It continues until the boss of Newcastle Brown orders a Pepsi.
Everyone is taken aback so the boss of Boddingtons says “Aren’t you having a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale”

”No” says Newcastle boss “if you’re all having soft drinks so will I “

Froglodyte · « **Reply #1456 on:** February 26, 2023, 12:18:48 »

Bargain!

Rusty Nuts · « **Reply #1457 on:** February 27, 2023, 10:17:48 »

Joe Rocket · « **Reply #1458 on:** March 02, 2023, 08:33:12 »

Journalist to PM: "There's a shortage of vegetables."

PM: "Not in my cabinet!"

Asmith61 · « **Reply #1459 on:** March 02, 2023, 10:41:07 »