The Thumperclub have a tradition of tounge in cheek rants. My contribution:
I own a Triumph T790. That is the name given to my bike by engineers. Men of Hinckley using one of the most modern CADCAM systems in the world who's company is the fastest growing motorcycle brand in the world. These modern engineers made an aircooled twin that met 21st century emissions legislation while keeping to a design employing the best Japanese design principles from the last decades of the 20th century. This bike will cruise at 90+ MPH, will turn in over 60 mpg if not pushed and has 6000 mile service intervals. Put knobblies on it and go anywhere and do anything.
So, what did the lazy ****wits in the marketing department do? The named it after a *****y town in America where sometime in the Jurassic period they managed to get some semi-mobile oil leak to run for long enough to break a speed record. Goodness knows how they found anyone daft enough to ride the thing on the tyres they used and with the brakes they had, but they did. Now fair do's to the boys back then struggling to start the thing by rubbing pterodactyls together, but face it, that was a whole lifetime before I was born.
As a result of this laziness, I have to deal with cooing old fools drooling over my bike, telling me how they rode one during the war. Now, much respect to anyone who might have charged those Russian guns, but they didn't, Napoleon was dead years before my T790 even rolled off the line. I'm sure whizzbangs and endless Charlie Chaplin films do nasty things to the mind, so I humour these chaps. Then however there are the train spotters. They arrive in Volvo's, break there necks to get there and then it starts. "Ooh, it's not real". "They tried to copy a b-series pre-67 acetylen tank cover on what is plainly a poor copy of a bike that should have a the mid '65 left hand Whitworth thread one" . I reach for the GPS mount to put them out of my misery.
Giving the poor thing THAT name has worked. People buy them and dress up like George Formby (before he invented his grill). They probably get together on bank holidays in Brighton and hit similar people who have roundels on their zimmer frames and listen to different wax cylinders on their tape players. I have no problem with this, I just don't want to join in.
I ask one thing. Please. Do not think that because I ride a T790 that I want to be Steve McQueen or do things with Mars Bars to blond women who are old enough to be my grand mother. (Please don't even mention things like that, I can't remember it, so yes, stands to reason I wasn't there). I ride a T790 excatly because it doesn't have Lucas electrics or leak oil or need it's tappety jibbet adjuster replacing every 45 yards. I just like my T790 because I get on it, press the button and enjoy the ride.
See, didn't even mention ****ing BONNEVILLES.
Andy (Age 36 and 3/4)
