The moaning old git thread

[Ptarmigan]

'Definitely' NOT definately

or even, defiantly.....

Which reminds me....one of mine is definitely spellcheckers that make it wrong, when you'd got it right.....

[Fat Rat]

'Regular', what the feck is Regular when it comes to size?

What's wrong with small, medium & large?  

[Gassoon]

'Regular', what the feck is Regular when it comes to size?

What's wrong with small, medium & large?  

Exactly! Everyone knows 'Regular' is a setting for gas-powered ovens in these islands since possibly the Bronze age ...  

edit: actually is it 'regulo' ? I forget  

[temporaryescapee]

Or a bowel status

[Catballou]

Dog walkers

Plus the bloody dog mess, why do they find it acceptable to shovel the dog doo into a bag tie a knot in the plastic bag then proceed to hang it off the nearest bush (don't remember that in the country code).... I don't know what's worse. Stepping in it or looking at those bloody black bags dangling off the bushes every 50 yards.

this one really gets on my tits, we walk our dogs in the local nature reserve, lots of volunteers spend a lot of time maintaining the park, only for ignorant feckers to decorate the trees, if they go to the trouble of picking it up why can't they carry it to the nearest bin  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

When did they start calling Arithmetic "Maths"? If they don't know the difference no wonder they can't feckin' count!

Must of been 42 years ago at least, it's always been maths to me... now math, that is wrong

ring ring, ring ring, "Hello there, would you like to save on your..." :violence-uzi:  :violence-uzi:  :violence-uzi:

Especially when said cold caller is foreign, if firms are going to annoy me in my own home you would think that I might need to understand what James or Emily from India are saying

Can you borrow me ................No I can lend you, you can borrow ...

[Gassoon]

Or a bowel status

Damn good point that man! And more important. A status you can set your watch by is the envy of other men!

[Fatbelly]

I found myself in a burger joint - actually a rare occurrence, despite my girth I am not without taste.

I say, "A portion of chips, please". "Is that regular fries?". "I'm not really bothered what shape they are". Confused foreign person.

[Gassoon]

Heh heh! You sod!  Most of the bairns that work in MacD's or wherever would be knacked by a non-sequitur
type of joke, though. that's another thing that annoys me - younger generations seem to have lesser senses of humour. I've seen a roomful of teenagers sit watching episodes of 'Futurama' and not laugh once, as if they were watching a science documentary. sigh

[Andy M]

Currently hateing e-bay. I'm selling my old BM. This is a thirty year old bike that in the dim and distant was painted black with a brush. It goes and is MOT'd for a while, not much else to say.

Halfway through and I've had:

Does it come with a Warranty?  - It's an ancient POS that you'll be paying 700-quid for, it might not even make it out of the garage.
Will I organise the insurance? - Yes of course, I just set up my own brokerage.
Can it be viewed at 2.30 on Wednesday? - Only if you have x-ray vision to see through the garage wall (AM or PM).
Does the gearbox have oil in it? - No I find it neater to push in a slice of lard every 2 miles.
How much to ship it to Spain? - No idea, do they do a jiffy bag big enough?
Is the fuel tank full? - Yes, but if you buy it if might be partly re-cycled beer.

The only sensible one has been a bloke who wants to know if I'll break it if it doesn't sell.

I might do that just to get the drive shaft out. At least I could beat a few of the ****wits to death with that!

Am I being too harsh? Are these important considerations when you but a rat of a Beemer?

Andy

[Fatbelly]

I'm getting fed up with every other TV ad being about the bloody Olympics! I am also really fed up with the ridiculous patronising pretence that the Paralympics are just as important as the real thing.

[Chris Graves]

TV presenters who have been granted "unprecedented access"  No, they are just having a look at the bits you don't usually see.  It's not unprecedented to access these places it's just not normally available to the hoi polloi.

[Gassoon]

I'm sick of meercats, and their stupid accents.
If one ran across my path now, I'd stamp on it, especially if it was wearing a smoking-jacket.

[Fatbelly]

That fu**ing "go compare" b**tard.

[Orinoco]

Andy M - this had me in stitches, wonderful. Hope those are the replies you gave them  

On young people... I was in a meeting the other day where some was talking about ex-Forces people going back to 'Civvy Street'.  Young 'one about 30 turns to me and asked where it was  

All I could do to stop myself from laughing!

[mr_diver]

I'm fed up of getting older, I forget things, my hearing is going, and the belly's getting bigger.

[snowy]

Hi

What about not needing glasses all the time and you have to keep taking them on and off and forgetting where the feckers are aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

[jimbo8098]

I am so glad I am just a git and not an OLD git now

   

[Andy M]

I'm fed up of getting older, I forget things, my hearing is going, and the belly's getting bigger.

Enjoy it:

Go to the works do, wait while all the kiddies order their salads and slim line tonics, then slick in a request for pie and chips and pint of stout. Be sure to enquire about the desert trolley and order the deep fried brie if there is nothing else you fancy. Make rabbit gestures when the salad turns up.  

Deafness/forgetfulness is a game:

"Did you remember to go for milk?"
"What"
 "Did you remember to go for milk?"
"Sorry"
"FOR GODS SAKE, DO YOU WANT A CUP OF TEA OR NOT"
"Yes please, don't go mad with the milk though we havn't got much left"  

Andy

[snowy]

Hi
Do campsites that that have a 2 night minimum stay at the weekend in summer or 3 nights at bank holidays annoy anyone else?

[medic5]

going from a pc to a mac book pro and finding I have no idea how the dam thing works...............